I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
