I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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