Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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