I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
