Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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