Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
