Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The adults are the big ones right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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