Princesses don't give blow jobs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
