Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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