I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That's intense
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
