hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize