The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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