After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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