I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
