i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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