Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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