At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
