So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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