life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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