he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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