dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
