You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
