im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The power of my boobs compel you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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