I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
