Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize