if you like me you must not know who I am
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
