im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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