Walk of Shame today included voting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
