Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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