Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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