I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
