PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In America we eat man semen.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
