Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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