dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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