can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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