it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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