My underwear smells like fireworks.
my being single is dangerous.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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