you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
