your room smells of hookers.
And success
you guys were way drunker than both of me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
