I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
