I'm gonna have a badass scar
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize