I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so much tequila, so little girl.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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