walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
