i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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