Porn is love you can see.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
