This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
