I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
