Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
