I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
