Do vagina's smell?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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