if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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