There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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