Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
