Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
