So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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