so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
