hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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