Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
