my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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