why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
