I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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