I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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