ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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