i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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