Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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