I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
