so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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