I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
