his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let's get the cat blown out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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