The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
