talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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