Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
