i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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