She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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