I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Shame - the story of my life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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