Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
