It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
