Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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