weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im six kinds of drunk right now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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