Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
