this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize