You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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