I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
