he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
