What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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