So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
