there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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