yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
