Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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