Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
