I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
