I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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