I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize