just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
dude. I can hear the air.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
