we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
