think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
