she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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