Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
