You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
