your thong is hanging out like whoa
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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