Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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