I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
