i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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